33-year-old wife wants to get a tattoo commemorating husband's failed hobby, he shuts her down and storms out of the room: 'Part of me wants to argue with him and consider getting the tattoo anyway'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jan 31, 2026 10:00 PM EST

Would you get a tattoo that your spouse didn't approve of?

Everyone's entitled to their own bodily autonomy. You get to decide what goes on your body, full stop. It's nobody else's, it's only yours. That said, tattoos can be a divisive thing. They seem like they're more popular than ever, and a lot of the stigma previously associated with them is gone. But the content of your tattoos might mean something to someone. You don't want to end up in a situation where a tattoo reminds you of something negative in your life. If you're someone who wants your tattoos to hold significance, then you probably want to put a lot of thought into what you're putting on your body. What if you had gotten a Kansas City Chiefs Super Bowl tattoo last year before the game ended? You might end up feeling pretty silly about that. 

But do the people in your life get a say over what you permanently put on your body? People feel all sorts of different ways about tattoos, and you might want to hide them from certain relatives. But you wouldn't let them stop you from doing it if you really wanted it, even if you valued their opinion. In some instances, it's better to ask for forgiveness rather than permission. But what about if it's your spouse? Shouldn't they get some sort of purchase in what you put on your body? Especially if it might offend them? That's what came up in this story. 

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  • A woman holds a tattoo needle to another woman's arm
    via Siednji Leon

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • When a wife brought up her tattoo idea to her husband, she was expecting him to be excited. She thought that it was the perfect way to commemorate their shared hobby. But he saw it a different way. He didn't want to be reminded of certain failures that came along with this hobby every time he looked at his wife's wrist. He wanted her to rethink her idea, but she wasn't totally willing to. So they came to an impasse, which could only be solved by some good old-fashioned advice from the internet. Scroll on to read what happened and see what you think.

  • Would I be in the wrong if I get a tattoo my husband doesn't approve of?

    My husband (m35) isn't into tattoos. I (f33) have a few tattoos already that I got before we met, nothing too big and both are related to friends. My husband doesn't really like tattoos in general, but has expressed that he doesn't care that I have them either. I have been wanting a new tattoo for years but never really knew what I wanted. Until recently. I finally came up with a tattoo idea that I would enjoy having; an isopod crawling on my
    via u/atomiclightbulb
  • wrist. So tonight I reached out to an artist to set it up. But when I told my husband my plans, he got a bit upset with me over it and now I don't know what to do. Here is the context: My husband has a bug hobby. Specifically isopods and millipedes. Things have not been going well for him lately in that department. A lot of his bugs
    via u/atomiclightbulb
  • have not made it for various reasons and he can't seem to get the situation under control. He currently has a couple of isopod species that are doing well- one of which is the specific isopod species I was going to get tattooed. The reason he said he doesn't want me to get the tattoo is because if these isopods end up dying, seeing one tattooed on me will remind him of his failures.
    via u/atomiclightbulb
  • I was so excited about this because I thought it would be a cute tattoo that would remind me of him because we both share a love of this species and they're very pretty and cute. But he shot me down so fast about it, I just left his room dejected, telling him I guess I would just cancel my inquiry with the artist. Now he's locked himself in his room.
    via u/atomiclightbulb
  • Part of me wants to argue with him and consider getting the tattoo anyway. But I'm not sure if this makes me an asshole. I know how crushed hes been with his other bugs dying and I do want to be sensitive about his feelings, but the species I was going to get is currently doing really well and showing no signs of failing, so I feel like his reaction is a bit over the top. WIBTA if I went through with getting the tattoo?
    via u/atomiclightbulb

  • Commenters gave their takes on the situation.

    LdiJ46 He has given you a pretty decent reason why he doesn't want you to get that particular tattoo. I would be inclined to respect his wishes on that if I were in your shoes. You could hold off for a while to see how things go.
    via u/LdiJ46
  • An upset couple sit on the couch together after an argument
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • j... Don't listen to these people. This isn't about controlling your body, it's about having empathy for your partner. Imagine you guys had a beloved pet that died and you wanted it tattooed. Yes it is your choice... but imagine your partner would be heartbroken everytime they saw it.
    via u/juicydownunder
  • Sometimes love is sacrifice. I know I wouldn't do that to my partner. I also know if the genders were reversed in this story a lot of the early commenters would be saying "YTA why don't you care about her feelings? You're so heartless. Do you even love her?!" Etc etc.. it's so hypocritical
    via u/juicydownunder
  • "Your body your choice" comments are so immature and have nothing to do with the nuance of your situation. Ultimately you have free will, but I don't know why anyone (who loves their partner) would purposely get something tattooed that is very personal to their partner, that their partner
    via u/juicydownunder
  • doesn't approve of. I'm sure it can't be that important to you that's it's worth dying on that hill.. but hey i could be wrong. Just doesnt seem worth it if you guys have a good relationship. It's like everyone has forgotten what being in a relationship is and not simply splitting bills and having kids.
    via u/juicydownunder
  • Very Soft YTA. Though I think you mean well and haven't gone through with it just yet. Please speak more with your partner -> maybe reach some middle ground, like if the isopodes are a success for 1 year he'll feel more at ease? work with each other
    via u/juicydownunder
  • AdSilly2598 I was 100% on your side until he explained why he didn't like it- I think that's a pretty valid reason for him to not enjoy the idea. It's a really cute and endearing concept, but I also wouldn't want to see a reminder of my own "failure" all the time. Is there a type of bug he loves that he wouldn't try to raise?
    via u/AdSilly2598
  • Nanabanafofana YTA. you can do what you want because your body your choice. But... Let's reverse this scenario. You wrote a novel and shopped it around to over a dozen publishers and was rejected every single time. Your husband wants to
    via u/Nanabanafofana
  • support your writing and decides to get a tattoo of the title of your failed novel. Would you appreciate having that tattooed on his wrist so that you can see your failure every. single. day?
    via u/Nanabanafofana
  • ExitTheHandbas... YTA You mentioned it to him, he told you in plain language it would upset him, and you're still considering it. So you would intentionally and permanently modify your body in a way that you know will upset the person you've committed to spending the rest of life with.
    via u/ExitTheHandbasket
  • americanoyster This sounds less like control over your tattoos and more of a personal reason that involves representing his hobby, and something specific about the hobby that upsets him at this time, so for that YWBTA
    via u/americanoyster
  • freekorgeek If you're planning this tattoo as a way to remind you of your love for him, it would be an odd choice to do it despite his issue with it. I think your tattoo idea is adorable and it's a lovely homage to your husband and his passionate hobby. I think you should get it, but maybe in the future after his pride isn't wrapped up in his swarm or whatever.
    via u/freekorgeek
  • In the meantime find another tattoo design you're passionate about which doesn't have anything to do with him. If you choose to get it, I bet he'll learn to love it, but I worry it'll drive a wedge for a while and if the tattoo is worth the wedge
    via u/freekorgeek
  • ODB247 YTA your body, your choice. but I actually side with him. Dude doesn't want a reminder of his failures which have lead to the deaths of his little buddies. Poor guy
    via u/ODB247
  • f... I might be saying the obvious, but this feels more like it's about his stresses & insecurities about the isopods than the actual tat. could you help him troubleshoot? does he want help? I feel like NAH though I'm not set on it EDIT: obviously he would be the ass if he forbade you from getting it
    via u/forestmango
  • Edit: Thank you everyone for your input. I did not expect such a quick response and that has been very helpful for me to navigate this problem. I will probably not get the tattoo, which I am sad about, but I don't want to be the AH here. I will discuss with my husband once he's cooled down about it if he's okay with me changing the species or if this is
    via u/atomiclightbulb
  • just totally off the table and I have to find a new idea for a tattoo. Your responses have helped me be able to approach this more pragmatically to prevent it causing any further tension, so thank you very much.
    via u/atomiclightbulb
  • Edit 2: My husband and I talked. I told him I didn't want to upset him by getting the tattoo. He actually said he liked the idea and thought it was cute and told me I could get it if I wanted. I explained that I didn't want to get it if it made him uncomfortable or sad and that I was worried if I did and his bugs didn't make it, it would be upsetting for him. I asked him if he had any
    via u/atomiclightbulb
  • suggestions about other species he would think were cute (and also to try to make sure I don't accidentally suggest one that he lost as I don't know all of them and there were quite a few he's had), but he said the one I chose was probably the best option for a tattoo in his opinion. He even said if he had any interest in ever getting a tattoo himself, he'd be
    via u/atomiclightbulb
  • inclined to get the same. I'm definitely feeling a bit of whiplash on his emotions right now. I asked him to think on it a bit and we can talk about it again tomorrow just to be sure he's 100% okay with it.
    via u/atomiclightbulb
  • Edit 3: so since this is still getting some comments there are a couple of things I feel like I need to address. 1- isopods are not like cats and dogs. They breed, prolificly. So you start with a few and they have babies then they breed again and again and you eventually have a colony. His already have babies. So it's not like they are just doomed to die like normal pets. It's almost an infinite pet in a way. We have
    via u/atomiclightbulb
  • plans to spread them into another vivarium in the house (which is my pride and joy, and will need to be ripped apart, but I am giving it to him to support him) so we will eventually have a second colony. Yes, they could still die, but he's learned a lot of lessons and personally I think it's more supportive to assume that this time will work out rather than assuming it won't? 2- I like isopods too, guys. Lol it's not like
    via u/atomiclightbulb
  • I'm just hijacking his hobby to tattoo on me. This is a hobby we share, I have isopods of my own, and this is one of my favorite species. just this species is his flagship so it doubled as a little homage to him in my head. The isopods are ember bee isopods. My isopod vivarium is filled with oreo crumbles. I think they're kinda boring for a tattoo and too small anyway. Ember bees have very striking colors and since I'd
    via u/atomiclightbulb
  • be getting it on my wrist, I wanted to consider something that would be pretty. Apparently this makes me an asshole because it's his isopods and I am being vain for wanting a pretty bug as a tattoo if it's his. And I'm sure there will still be people who think I'm just justifying myself here and digging myself deeper into AH land but after having the discussion with my husband last night I think maybe it's a bit more nuanced than the down votes want it to be.
    via u/atomiclightbulb

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long term relationship relationship advice healthy marriage relationship bugs marriage marriage-drama tattoos healthy relationship
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